Back in time to two years ago....there I sat, in the passenger seat, shaking, still holding my phone. I sent a text back to Sissy saying “I will fix it. I love you and am so proud of you for being brave enough to tell me. I will see you soon.” Though I had no idea what-so-ever how I was going to fix this. THIS had to be the worst event that had ever happened in our lives. The only thing worse than someone hurting your child is losing that child. I kept telling myself “you have both children, hold onto that.”
By this time Bill, having turned the car around to head back home, is freaking out. “What is wrong? Why are you crying? Is Sissy OK?” He is starting to tear up and pound on the steering wheel. Funny, I actually felt bad for him for a minute…just a minute. Then that brief moment disappeared and I told him we would talk when we got home.
We drove up our tree lined driveway finally. The dogs happily greeting us as we parked. Oh, how I loved my labs. I couldn’t start thinking what would happen to them now. I was in such shock. I calmly walked into our cheery house. I set my purse down in the dining room I had just finished painting a gorgeous mint color that week. I told Bill to go sit down and I would tell him what was ruining my world.
Bill went into our bedroom. He sat on the bed he had bought me for my 30th birthday (as an expression of his love). It was a green wrought iron canopy style. Doves intertwined on the head board and lace curtains hung from all four sides. I couldn’t bring myself to even think about our “love” much less look at that bed now.
“Sissy just told me you touched her inappropriately.” I calmly stated.
“NO!” he yelled. “She is my princess and I would never do that?”
“Bill, Sissy wins the benefit of the doubt in this one….I will always pick her and believe her, you have to know that.”
Bill begins to cry at this point. There he sat in the khaki shorts and sporty Nike dress shirt I had picked out for him to wear to the wedding. He buried his face in his hands.
“Maybe she dreamt it? Maybe she misunderstood my actions at some point?”
I just stood there staring at him. Here was the man I had spent 23 years with. I knew every line on his face, the way his silver hair flipped in the front when I gelled it for him. I knew every mole and scar on his body. I thought I knew his darkest fears and biggest dreams…..how could I have not known he was capable of this?
We had had our share of marital difficulties that is for sure. He had been unfaithful in the beginning of our marriage. We went to counseling and overcame that. He started online chatting with other women when we got our Internet, again back to counseling. Eventually, I had to buy a spy program to see exactly where he went on the Internet. Getting Bill to fess up to any wrongdoing was almost impossible. Buying the program at least gave me the opportunity to confront him with the truth. I should have questioned my need to still stay with him then….I mean what kind of marriage is that when you have to spy on your husband? Some of the places he visited online were so sexual in nature that back to counseling we went AGAIN. I knew he had issues with sex…but THIS? I didn’t see this coming and I had no spy program to confront him with the truth now. So much was at stake in his life at the moment that I knew if I didn’t think of some other angle to get to the truth, then he would grasp onto his denial forever.
“Bill,” I began, “I am scared that something might have happened to you when you were little…something that may have damaged you and caused you to do something similar to Sissy.”
I put my hand reassuringly on his shoulder. I dug deep down inside to try and find any acting skills I may have and I worked them. I gave him the most ‘I love you and will help you find your demons’ look that I could muster.
It worked. I hit a vein. I found his wound, opened it up and convinced him I was willing to help him heal it. He grabbed my hands, buried his face into my stomach as I stood in front of him. Sobs racked his body.
“Yes, Tarie, Oh, God, yes, my brother John touched me when I was little, that is why I touched Sissy.”
Stupid, stupid, sick man. He actually thought I cared about what had happened to him. He had no idea I was pretending to give a shit just to get him to tell me the truth.
Caring, sympathetic Tarie disappeared, instead Linda Blair from ‘The Exorcist’ Tarie appeared. I pushed Bill back away from me and in the lowest most demonic voice that came from my toes I said,
“GET OUT.”
I must have stood there watching him, not moving, I am not sure if I was even breathing, for over a half and hour. My hands hung loosely down my sides. My heart felt as if it had turned to stone. Amazingly, my pulse stayed slow and my blood pressure seemed stable. I felt the strangest “click” just then on my left hand. A tiny little snap on my ring finger. I brought may hand up to my face, my wedding ring twinkling at me, and turned my hand around to look at the band.
It had snapped.
Completely through.
On it’s own.
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